From Hallmark cards, to chocolate hearts, long-stem roses and romantic dinners, February is often marked as the Month of Love – the perfect time to profess our undying devotion.
We’ve all watched cheesy romantic movies with storybook happy endings. From Bridget Jones and her diary to Katherine Hiegl’s endless pursuit of love, we’re programmed to believe that real love is something we can find from someone else. It’s something that we have to search for from Mr. or Miss. Right. As if loving someone else suddenly makes us more loveable and worthy.
Now don’t get me wrong. Someone loving you unconditionally, despite all your weird habits, past mistakes and eccentricities is fucking magical. But when we find that kind of love, it needs to be an extension – a reflection of the love we feel for ourselves. The whole Jerry Maguire “you complete me” mentality is all wrong.
We have to start with really loving ourselves.
Loving ourselves is about knowing what we value so that we’re surrounded with the right people, places and things.
Loving ourselves is about recognizing and maintaining healthy boundaries so that we invest energy in what counts.
Loving ourselves is about speaking kindly to ourselves when we make a mistake. We take a breath, learn the lesson and move on.
Loving ourselves is about standing up for what we believe in even when others shoot us down.
Loving ourselves is knowing that there’s no such thing as perfection. It’s about seeing us in the mirror everyday, proud to be exactly who and what we are, flaws and all.
Loving ourselves is about chasing our dreams despite the stories that we may come up with that convince us not to. We all tell ourselves stories. We convince ourselves that we can’t do or be something because:
A) Someone told us so.
B) We tried something and it didn’t work the first time.
C) It’s too hard.
D) It’ll take too long.
E) Other people do it better or easier.
F) X event happened X years ago and because of that, we’re stuck.
For the longest time, my story went something like this:
Who am I to have a love that accepts me as I am? Who am I to really love my job? Who am I to shine? Who am I to chase my dreams? Who am I to expect that I can create a full life when there are so many people out there without what I’m wishing for?
Who am I not to? Cue Marianne Williamsom. Note – she refers to G-O-D in this quote. God can be anything you want it to be – the universe, your soul, your angels, whatever you like – this is not about religion. This is about being freaking fabulous.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
So what’s your story? What are you telling yourself that’s holding you back? What excuses are you using to keep yourself stuck?
You’re the only one who can rewrite that story to get closer and closer to who you want to be in this world. Rewrite your story. Tell yourself why you deserve everything you want.
And go get it.
Much love, XXX
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