“The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let the dead things go.” ~ Anonymous.
Somehow October has crept up on me. I swear I was just sitting on a patio in the summer sun, sipping a glass of wine, forgetting about the fact that there was a whole wide world outside of my immediate context and the conversation being had.
If you had asked me a week ago how I felt about fall setting in, I would’ve expressed my ardent sadness about the end of hot and sticky lazy summer days. But something has shifted. While I’m enjoying the unseasonably warm weather we’re having, I’m also finding a little comfort in the cooler nights and as I walked home watching the sunset yesterday way sooner than I’ve been accustomed to over the last months, a feeling of acceptance came over me. Along with this acceptance was a sense of letting go. Surprisingly though, my feelings of letting go haven’t been associated with just the end of hot weather, long days, tank tops and sandals.
Lately, I’ve been aware of things being brought to the surface for me. It’s like I’ve been stuck in my head and my thoughts, spinning in circles about everything and nothing. It’s as if I’ve lost my balance and my feet aren’t planted firmly on the ground. I’ve woken up some mornings with a heavy sense of anxiety, discomfort and dissatisfaction hanging over me but when I sit down to think about what I ‘need’ to be anxious/uncomfortable/dissatisfied about right now, there’s nothing specific I can name. And that’s when I reminded myself.
Sometimes the stuff that comes up for us is nothing more than a feeling.
Sometimes we get overwhelmed by the sense that something’s off but we don’t know what that is. Sometimes we feel like we’re missing something but we’re not sure what. Sometimes we have the the distinct impression that things need to shift, change, move but we’re not sure how yet.
And that’s ok.
Because sometimes we have to let go of the need to know everything, right now. Sometimes we have to release the pressure we put on ourselves to ‘fix ourselves’.
Sometimes we have to feel the feels to get to the heart of the matter.
When we sit in the muck of it all, things can begin to get clearer – so long as we can let them be what they need to be and let go of the need to figure it all out.