It’s Not Just You

I’d been making some pretty decent headway with my newly adopted exercise-at-home-via-an-app-that-costs-less-than-a-gym-membership routine earlier this year. I was waking up early to get moving and was starting to feel the effects of my morning dopamine rush. Apparently, my work was paying off.

Then I hit the proverbial wall. So. Very. Hard.

I started a new routine and instead of feeling energized, I was completely drained by 2pm: full-out exhausted, body slump, brain fog, unable to concentrate, no motivation, dreaming of my bed kind of drained. I figured it could be any combination of things. Maybe the workout is just too strenuous for me right now? Maybe I needed more recovery time? Maybe I wasn’t getting enough energy from the food I was eating during the day?

Or maybe I’m just too damn fucking tired right now.

I also promised myself that this year I would commit to a bi-weekly newsletter. But when last weekend rolled around, I couldn’t even stand to crack open my laptop after staring at it all week. I feel like I’ve been on endless Teams and Zoom calls and my days have been blending with each other for far too long through the endless repetition of making my way from my bedroom to the living room just on the other side of the door, to sit in front of my laptop on the kitchen counter while I hack through my growing to-do list, to make a paycheque, to pay my bills, to buy groceries, and repeat.

I’m just tired. Of everything. All of it. I’m even tired and bored of/supremely unimpressed by the contents of my fridge at this point because on top of the endless repetition of the workday, I’m also feeling like what used to be my favourite-go-to-meals just aren’t so go-to anymore, and quite frankly, I don’t feel like making them even though they used to make my heart sing.

In case you’re exhausted too and giving less fucks about the things that you used to give fucks about, I want you to know: you’re not alone.

I cannot tell you how many people I’ve talked to who’ve said they’re also just really fucking tired. Physically exhausted. Mentally drained. Sick of pretending everything is fine because sometimes it’s easier to pretend everything is fine. Rather than replying to, “How are you doing?” on a Teams call with, “I’m ok, thanks, how are you?” sometimes what I really want to say is something along the lines of: “I’d rather be in bed, curled under the sheets and sleeping, but I need to be here because there’s so much uncertainty in the world and I feel like knowing I have some income coming in right now is the only thing that’s keeping me from losing my shit.”

So in case you’re feeling the same, or feeling something even remotely along the lines of what I’m feeling, know you’re not alone. Know that it felt really damn good to know the other people I talked to felt the same way. And know it felt really damn good to get this off my chest. I encourage you to do the same. Write it out. Yell it out. Sing it out. Talk to a friend about it. Hit reply to this email and tell me what’s on your mind.

Give yourself permission to take it easy on yourself. We’ve been in the throes of a global pandemic going on a year now and it’s perfectly understandable if things feel heavy.

Know there is no single one-size-fits-all magic cure to what you may be feeling and what works for me or someone else might not work for you.

So, if you feel like you need to rest: rest.
If you feel like you need to move: move.
If you feel like you need a change of scenery, sign into YouTube and find any number of videos that will take you to Sri Lanka, Paris, Peru, Santorini, or where ever your heart desires.
Just know that you know what you need and no one else can tell you what that is.
Know that it’s not just you.
And know that you’re not alone.

Photo by White.Rainforest ∙ 易雨白林. on Unsplash