I woke up with a bundle of nerves and anxiety in the pit of my stomach the other night as I caught myself worrying about nothing and everything.
Y’know. That feeling when you realize there really isn’t anything urgent to deal with (and I mean c’mon, it’s like 1am for God’s sake so you definitely can’t solve anything by thinking about everything at that time) but for some reason, you wake up a couple of hours after falling asleep and wind up tossing the rest of the night away.
I managed to get a full night’s sleep the next evening and woke up feeling more like myself but I still felt those anxious thoughts floating on the periphery of my consciousness. That’s when I decided to sit with what I was worrying about. I chose to sit with it all and observe my thoughts to better understand where they were originating from – without judgement – the way I would if a friend of mine were coming to me with his or her problems to talk ’em out.
When I got a little distance from the issues I was stressing about, I realized something.
I had to let go of more than worrying about the specific situations that my mind was caught up in. I realized that it was time to let go of specific mindsets and ways of thinking.
I realized that it’s not about the amount of work I need to get done and my to-do list. It’s about letting go of the pressure I put on myself as I’m getting through that pile of work. It’s about reminding myself that it’ll all get done (it always does, doesn’t it?) It’s about creating fun as I work because let’s be honest – we dedicate a lot of hours to our jobs so why not infuse some fun and good energy into the predominance of our time on this planet?
I realized that it’s not about that conversation I had the other day that I felt like I butchered – where my ability to communicate was muddled in that particular situation. It’s about forgiving myself for not always “saying the right thing” in the “right way” at the “right time”. It’s about knowing that conversations that take place in the past should stay there and that I need to care less about what people might think of me and instead, be real in every situation and know that’s enough.
I realized that it’s not about the bills that need to get paid and my bank account balance. It’s about inviting abundance into my life by owning my value and opening up to opportunities and possibilities. It’s about tossing out the tendency to connect with lack.
Much like that shitty tattered old t-shirt we wear around the house that makes us feel frumpy and less-than-the-sexy-beast-we-are – the one we refuse to throw away because it’s ‘comfortable’ – it’s about knowing when we need to chuck dated patterned ways of thinking because they no longer make us feel good, even though we’re used to them and we’ve had them forever.
We can replace those old thought patterns with something new that serves us.
Something that might feel kinda strange at first and almost ill-fitting but after some time will begin to feel more natural and when it’s time to shift to the next level, it’ll be easier the next time because we’ve done it before, we know we can and we know we need to.
Something that infuses us with more energy, more confidence and more love dammit.