Confessions Of A Woman In Isolation – Part Three

I now know for sure that therapy doesn’t live in a new top or pair of shoes. I know that my mental health and wellbeing relies on stolen moments. Catching the glow in your eyes when we share a joke. Dancing together in the living room. Sitting under the stars. A candlelit soak in the tub. Sleeping eight hours straight. Deep breaths. And the occasional slice of warm apple pie. For breakfast.

It’s been almost a year since the city initially locked down as we head back into hibernation. I love how she has a quiet hum to her now. I also fear that the lively energy that attracted me to her in the first place may never return.

I was kinda unhappy about many things in my life before all this went down. Now I realize sometimes our happiness comes from having too many options in life.

Upon lockdown, I downloaded multiple exercise apps to my phone, all of which were needlessly taxing precious iCloud storage until early this month when I finally did it. I started a workout plan. Sometimes I love it. Sometimes I’m indifferent. Sometimes I fucking hate it. Sometimes I skip it altogether. But I finally did it.

I’ve never spent so much time by the lake with you before this. Now that we’ve spent countless hours mesmerized by the sun twinkling on the water while talking about everything and nothing as we sip on chilled white wine, it’s one ritual I’m not willing to give up.

There’s no such thing as “too many books”. Or “too much walking”. Or “too much Netflix” for that matter. I trust that I know what my body/mind/soul needs at any given point to get through this shit and I’m better when I don’t measure my worth solely by my productivity.

As much as I’d like to think I’ve always known simple pleasures, I didn’t really appreciate them all until the spectacles of city living were taken away.

I didn’t realize how much weighty energy I was soaking up from others until I started working from home. I also didn’t realize how much I value my teammates in the flesh.

I can choose in every moment how happy I want to be. I am no longer willing to grant anyone else the power to decide that for me.

I still really miss hugs.

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