Meditation on Love, Loss + Transformation

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“The transformation of the heart is a wondrous thing, no matter how you land there.” ~ Patti Smith

I lost something
when I lost you.

It seemed to have slipped through my fingers.

Gone:
was a comfortable
and familiar air of optimism
about myself
the world around me
and
my purpose.

And for some reason I thought
it was my job to find it.
To fix it.
To fill the void.

Somehow I thought
I had to make it all better.

After days
and months
of sifting
and searching
through my broken pieces
finally
I gave myself
the permission
to sit
in the clumsy mess
and muck of it all.

Only then did I realize
that the beauty of the loss
lived in its very void:
that awkward
haunting
and empty space.

The beauty of the loss
was learning
that it was not mine to fix
or stuff
with other people
places
or things.

It was not my job
to pad that spot
to make it more pleasant
palatable
or soothing.

After all
I’d been working so hard
to let go of the things
that weighed me down through the years –
the things I had
consciously
and unconsciously
attached to you.
Attached to us.

Only then did I realize
that I created that space
to make room
for everything to come
after I lost you.

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