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Authenticity, Learning, Relationship

We’ll Always Be Too-Much-Something For Somebody

You say I’m too sensitive –
too apt to feel too much.
Well I’d rather recognize
every ache
every awkward, uneasy
and uncomfortable moment
every blow and misfortune.

To clarify:
I choose to feel
not to commiserate
but rather
to acknowledge the truth
for what it is.

With every tear I shed
I release the weight
that often makes it hard to breathe
and I teach myself
to love myself
more.

As I release
I learn that the guilt
and the blame
isn’t worth clinging to and
I teach myself
to judge myself
less.

And as I began to face the dark
I noticed that
the sun began to shine brighter
my love began to burn deeper
my days took on more meaning
and not because this was necessarily inevitable
but because
I chose my new perspective.

And so, you see,
you may believe I feel too much
but I’d rather head dive
into the spectrum of feelings
available to me
than merely dip my toes in
for fear of feeling too much
of anything.

Authenticity, Relationship, Spirituality

Being Your Most Confident Self: The Very Definition of Badassery

Lately I’ve been very cognizant of the obscene number of times that the word “sorry” comes out of my mouth on any given day when it’s anything but necessary to the situation. I mean, if I accidentally spill my coffee in your lap, that begs an apology. Or if I borrow your book and drop it in the tub (true story) I’m gonna apologize (and promptly buy you a replacement copy). (Please refer to one of my previous posts entitled Being Real, Or, Why I’m Proud To Be A Hot Mess for further context – there’s a reason why my last name Korytkowski has been affectionately re-dubbed Koryt-klutz-ski within the family, but I digress).

Other than times like this though, honestly. How often do we apologize for our actions or choices? How many times do we feel like we need to appease the people around us and feel utter remorse when we don’t live up to their expectations? How often do we apologize because we do something uncharacteristic of what people expect/need/want of us and surprise others by changing our minds, our opinions, our decisions, or *gasp* changing ourselves to become happier people.

These apologies we deliver, often based in fear and rooted in guilt, drain our energy reserves by the very fact that we allow them to fall from our lips simply because:

We are under no obligation to make sense to the people around us. We owe no one an explanation or reason as to why we are who we are and choose to do what we choose to do.

And in the spirit of being confident in being ourselves, I’m going throw out the Urban Dictionary’s definition of a badass as an, “Ultra-cool motherfucker.” To me, that’s about being yourself – wholly, unapologetically and authentically – you.

You give yourself the permission to change into whatever you want, whenever you want.

You don’t seek permission or external validation – anyone to tell you “good job” or “you’re on the right track”.

You trust that your heart knows what it wants and needs.

There’s no need to hide.

There’s no need to fake friendliness, kindness or connection. You either connect or you don’t. No biggie. Move on.

It’s ok to lose your way and take the long and winding path. It’s ok to occasionally forget your divine fucking beauty so long as you listen when your soul is trying to remind you of said beauty and is gently nudging you back onto the path of least resistance back to who you are. ‘Cuz you’re light, you know? Unicorns, sparkles and all that ish too.

It’s ok to get deep with people you trust on a soul level and say the things that make you blush as they tumble into the world as words, thoughts, emotions, perspectives and memories.

It’s ok to choose not to get deep with people who just. don’t. get. you. Move on.

It’s ok to push back. Make your stamp on this world. Take your place on the stage. Own your talents. Embrace your skills. Strut your stuff. Know that you make a difference simply by being you.

It’s ok to laugh at ourselves. It’s healthy. It’s sexy to own up to our neuroses.

After all, growth is about unloading the weight we picked up when we began to carry the things the world tried to convince us we needed to hang onto – the shame, the guilt, the remorse – the things that cloud our perceptions of own remarkable selves.

xo

Authenticity, Lifestyle, Relationship

Personal Power, Politics And Principles

Trump vs. Clinton. Aboriginal rights. The legalization of marijuana. Just a few examples of hot button political issues that garner local and global attention. The media plays up the headlines – increasing the shock factor consistently and exponentially. Politics attract audiences and readers, after all.

But what about the politics that happen in our day-to-day lives? Y’know. The shit that keeps us up at night as we replay conversations and situations. Power struggles. Defensive protestations. Misunderstandings among friends that we get reluctantly pulled into. Family members bickering over insignificant details. Managers at work who ignore people for profit.

Where there are people, there are politics. It’s inevitable. And let’s be honest. There’s always gonna be a bad apple in the bunch (and sometimes there’s more than one).

When we’re faced with politics in our personal lives, we can sometimes begin to question our own seat of personal power. We may begin to question our skill set and talents, where we were once so sure of what we’re capable of. We might begin to question our place in the shuffle of things. We might begin to feel small, ignored and slighted. This is precisely when we need to reframe our power and be real.

Reframing our power is about sticking to our principles. Not bowing down. Not giving in and choosing to ‘play the game’. It’s about meeting political bullshit with a clear commitment to what we believe in. We might find ourselves dealing with backlash when we stick to our guns. But when we choose not to stand behind our principles, when we choose not to be real to what drives us, our passions and what we believe in, we’ll eventually find our energy depleting. We’ll build our confidence on faulty foundations.

Reframing our power is about recognizing that we choose how we feel in any given situation. That others can’t make us feel anything about ourselves that we don’t choose to feel. Reframing our power is about reclaiming our power and calling it into our lives with the clear intention to not sacrifice our principles to fit in with the crowd. To walk with our chins held high – not in a ‘holier than thou’ way but with a sense of healthy confidence.

Rather than meet fire with fire, we can choose to cross the line in politics in a good way – to create a stir by believing in ourselves and standing up for ourselves and doing the same for others. We can choose to make a positive impact around us and we can rewrite the rules of the game.

We can choose to meet politics with respect. And love. Never forget the love.

Authenticity, Learning, Relationship

Feeling Guilty? It’s Bound To Happen So Hug It And Let It Go.

We’ve all been there. After making a choice to do something we know we need for our own happiness / sanity / serenity / growth, a foreboding sense of guilt begins to slowly creep in.

We leave the person who hooked us up in our career. We end a relationship on its last legs because we know deep down we’re simply not connecting anymore. We leave the kids with a sitter to treat ourselves to a day at the spa.

After weeks of dreading about having to stick to plans we booked and knew we weren’t really feeling in the first place, we bow out gracefully. We do too much. We don’t do enough.  

All of these situations express our need to feel more free in our lives.

When we feel guilty, it’s a call from our soul to move more freely, choose more freely and be more real and open about our own needs and desires. It’s a call to set boundaries, expectations and speak from a place of authenticity.

We reach for more. We work harder. We work less. We reach our goals. We do more than people expected of us or ever thought could be achievable for themselves.

Some of us live with a constant sense of guilt because we know no other way. How could we possibly NOT feel guilty about doing something that feeds our ambition, soul or desires? Maybe we grew up in a household where guilt pervaded everything we did.

So then, we begin to feel guilty about feeling guilty. And so goes the vicious cycle.

We need to pause for a minute and recognize that, rather than trying to eviscerate the guilt or trying to ignore it, we need to simply let it be and let it go. We won’t magically start feeling less guilty one day.

We’re going to feel guilty. It’s literally the price we pay for being brave and acting on behalf of our soul. So I guess what I’m saying is that I’d rather feel guilty than feel nothing at all.

xo