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Authenticity, Lifestyle, Wellness

I Think I Think Too Much

I woke up with a bundle of nerves and anxiety in the pit of my stomach the other night as I caught myself worrying about nothing and everything.

Y’know. That feeling when you realize there really isn’t anything urgent to deal with (and I mean c’mon, it’s like 1am for God’s sake so you definitely can’t solve anything by thinking about everything at that time) but for some reason, you wake up a couple of hours after falling asleep and wind up tossing the rest of the night away.

I managed to get a full night’s sleep the next evening and woke up feeling more like myself but I still felt those anxious thoughts floating on the periphery of my consciousness. That’s when I decided to sit with what I was worrying about. I chose to sit with it all and observe my thoughts to better understand where they were originating from – without judgement – the way I would if a friend of mine were coming to me with his or her problems to talk ’em out.

When I got a little distance from the issues I was stressing about, I realized something.

I had to let go of more than worrying about the specific situations that my mind was caught up in. I realized that it was time to let go of specific mindsets and ways of thinking.

I realized that it’s not about the amount of work I need to get done and my to-do list. It’s about letting go of the pressure I put on myself as I’m getting through that pile of work. It’s about reminding myself that it’ll all get done (it always does, doesn’t it?) It’s about creating fun as I work because let’s be honest – we dedicate a lot of hours to our jobs so why not infuse some fun and good energy into the predominance of our time on this planet?

I realized that it’s not about that conversation I had the other day that I felt like I butchered – where my ability to communicate was muddled in that particular situation. It’s about forgiving myself for not always “saying the right thing” in the “right way” at the “right time”. It’s about knowing that conversations that take place in the past should stay there and that I need to care less about what people might think of me and instead, be real in every situation and know that’s enough.

I realized that it’s not about the bills that need to get paid and my bank account balance. It’s about inviting abundance into my life by owning my value and opening up to opportunities and possibilities. It’s about tossing out the tendency to connect with lack.

Much like that shitty tattered old t-shirt we wear around the house that makes us feel frumpy and less-than-the-sexy-beast-we-are – the one we refuse to throw away because it’s ‘comfortable’ – it’s about knowing when we need to chuck dated patterned ways of thinking because they no longer make us feel good, even though we’re used to them and we’ve had them forever.

We can replace those old thought patterns with something new that serves us.

Something that might feel kinda strange at first and almost ill-fitting but after some time will begin to feel more natural and when it’s time to shift to the next level, it’ll be easier the next time because we’ve done it before, we know we can and we know we need to.

Something that infuses us with more energy, more confidence and more love dammit.

xo

Authenticity, Lifestyle, Relationship

Personal Power, Politics And Principles

Trump vs. Clinton. Aboriginal rights. The legalization of marijuana. Just a few examples of hot button political issues that garner local and global attention. The media plays up the headlines – increasing the shock factor consistently and exponentially. Politics attract audiences and readers, after all.

But what about the politics that happen in our day-to-day lives? Y’know. The shit that keeps us up at night as we replay conversations and situations. Power struggles. Defensive protestations. Misunderstandings among friends that we get reluctantly pulled into. Family members bickering over insignificant details. Managers at work who ignore people for profit.

Where there are people, there are politics. It’s inevitable. And let’s be honest. There’s always gonna be a bad apple in the bunch (and sometimes there’s more than one).

When we’re faced with politics in our personal lives, we can sometimes begin to question our own seat of personal power. We may begin to question our skill set and talents, where we were once so sure of what we’re capable of. We might begin to question our place in the shuffle of things. We might begin to feel small, ignored and slighted. This is precisely when we need to reframe our power and be real.

Reframing our power is about sticking to our principles. Not bowing down. Not giving in and choosing to ‘play the game’. It’s about meeting political bullshit with a clear commitment to what we believe in. We might find ourselves dealing with backlash when we stick to our guns. But when we choose not to stand behind our principles, when we choose not to be real to what drives us, our passions and what we believe in, we’ll eventually find our energy depleting. We’ll build our confidence on faulty foundations.

Reframing our power is about recognizing that we choose how we feel in any given situation. That others can’t make us feel anything about ourselves that we don’t choose to feel. Reframing our power is about reclaiming our power and calling it into our lives with the clear intention to not sacrifice our principles to fit in with the crowd. To walk with our chins held high – not in a ‘holier than thou’ way but with a sense of healthy confidence.

Rather than meet fire with fire, we can choose to cross the line in politics in a good way – to create a stir by believing in ourselves and standing up for ourselves and doing the same for others. We can choose to make a positive impact around us and we can rewrite the rules of the game.

We can choose to meet politics with respect. And love. Never forget the love.

Lifestyle, Relationship, Wellness

A Love Letter To Friendship

It was a brutal week for me and while typically I can easily spot the silver lining, I was finding it really hard to develop the negative into a positive picture. You brought me back to a place of calm despite the storm and practically spoon fed me poutine because you know that somehow that gravy-laden magnificence can make everything right in the world again.

We were both utterly exhausted (you were probably more so than I) but you stuck to our plans because you knew how much it meant to me.

You squealed with delight right along with me when I landed that gig.

You reminded me to keep going even when all I wanted to do was bury myself under the sheets, admit defeat and never try again. You reminded me that all the effort was worth it and that I was a better person because I put myself out there. You reminded me that you would love me all the same and I could see it in your eyes that you really, really meant it.

We danced like our lives counted on it and walked home arm in arm in the early morning sun.

You think I’m hilarious and witty and kind and brave. (I love that you see the very qualities I appreciate about you in me).

We cried together.
We prayed together.
We meditated together.
(All of which make you kinda uncomfortable but you did ’em anyway).

You always get the most thoughtful gifts.

You were straight-up when I asked for your opinion. You knew what was best for me and often know me better than I know myself. Gently shaking me out of my self-denial you unfailingly deliver the truth with kindness and respect.

You forgave me when I found it impossible to forgive myself. 

We don’t always agree or see eye-to-eye but that doesn’t stop you from supporting me because you love me for exactly who I am.

And you. My dear friend, you. I wouldn’t be the person I am today had it not been for you – had you not been a part of my life to remind me of everything that is good and pure and simply fabulous in the world. And for all this and so much more, I fucking love you.

xo

Image by Brittany Connell.