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Authenticity

Authenticity, Creativity, Relationship

Incubation, Creation + Healing

I made you something. And it’s almost ready to share.

I’ve been finding it difficult to return to my laptop every week and squeeze out a post over the last couple of months. Partly because I’ve been working on something that had to split me in half before I could possibly put myself back together again but mostly because I needed the space to heal.

As you may know, on April 16, 2017 (the date is permanently etched in my DNA) my father passed away. We didn’t have the ideal father/daughter relationship. And we definitely weren’t close. Nevertheless, our connection (or lack thereof) shaped me into the person I am today.

Something shifted in me as he was dying.
Everything changed when he passed.

As I began to reflect on things from a distanced perspective, I began to see the different ways that my relationship with him had influenced my actions, choices, and opinion of myself in this world. I began to see how much of who I am today is the result of our blemished bond and that this imperfection is part of what makes me complicated, sensitive, strong, compassionate, and independent – all at the same time. And I wouldn’t change a thing.

I’d like to abandon the way we throw terms like “daddy issues” and “mommy issues” around as a way to debase each other. I mean really. Who doesn’t have “issues” because of someone, or something, or other?

I’d like to eliminate any judgement we have about how we’ve been affected by our past
and instead
embrace that at times we’re fractured, desolate, vulnerable, and raw
– often painfully so –
and that at those times
it’s not about what happened to us or who did what
but rather:
how we choose to move beyond it all.

And so. I hermited. I tucked myself into a safe space to create and when I was ready, and the time was right, the words began to flow. There was no stopping the process as long as I let what needed to be said move through me. As long as I stepped out of my own way and stopped judging myself for what I was feeling. And as long as I realized that this process was distinctly my own – necessary, heartbreaking, and beautiful.

And I want to share my art with you.

Over the next week, I’ll be finalizing my first book: a self-published poetic narrative that moves through reflections on love, death, and healing.

I’m hoping you feel something.
I’m hoping we see a bit of ourselves in each other.
I’m hoping we connect…
…not necessarily through identical experiences – but through a common resonance with what it means to be human. What it means to love. What it means to fall apart. And what it means to heal.

Stay tuned. I’ll let you know when it’s ready to order. And as always, send you mad love for every precious minute you devote to supporting me, my words, and my art.

Because as much as I may think I write for myself – I write for you.

Authenticity, Relationship, Spirituality, Wellness

New Moon Intentions: A Call To Inviting Ease And Flow Into Our Lives

Do things need to be difficult to be worth it?
Do we have to claim our greatest achievements by their corresponding weight and struggle?
Do blood, sweat, and tears have to be the elements by which we define the importance of our actions?
And does pain have to equal gain?

What ever happened to ease?
To focusing on the moments, people, places, and things that make us feel connected, inspired, and whole?
What happened to flow?
To working, living, and breathing in spaces where we feel in sync, settled, understood, seen, and heard?
To finding gratitude for the souls who get us and support our movement in this world?
What happened to being real and not competing with each other about who’s busier, more tired, most drained and most anxious?

Gratitude for the good that falls into our laps without us having to control things.
Cheers to the people who find their way into our lives to lift us up and drag us out of routine, the hustle, and the grind.
Knowing that the more we appreciate the good, simplicity, and a natural unfolding of events – we invite more of the same. The more we grow. The more we settle into a solid sense of self and a sense of calm that can only lead to more ease. Oh. And more love.

xoxo Happy New Moon.

Authenticity, Learning, Spirituality

Love, Death & Everything In-Between

It’s been a month since I sat down at my laptop to write and two weeks since you passed.

My journal is full of handwritten scribbles and reflections, punctuated with the roller coaster of emotions I’ve been experiencing as I sort through my thoughts.

I faced every day knowing this wouldn’t be easy. I faced every moment knowing it could all end without notice. I faced every minute hoping it would all move through me.

And somehow, I feel like I should be over it all. That the thought of seeing you slowly slip away before us would be healed quickly because ‘it was time’. It was like I gave myself the permission to grieve for, like, a week. Because, you know – as they say – life goes on.

But I’ve dreamt of you for the past two nights and I struggle with the contrasting feelings that come along with losing a parent – someone tied to me by blood – and at the same time, someone I barely knew. Someone I only became reacquainted with at the end.

Because it was only at the end that I was able to see you again for what we all are – souls traveling in human bodies craving connection, acceptance, worthiness, purpose, and love.

I asked you at one point if you were scared and I could tell you meant it when you said you weren’t. I could tell you knew it was time. I could tell you were ready to go.

And so for now, I live with the slowly receding memories of the smell of your hospital room, of us listening to The Beatles while I feed you vanilla pudding, of you leaning in to ask me when you would be leaving, and your face the morning you took your last breaths. Knowing that time heals. Knowing that time is all we have. Knowing that time flies. Knowing that it’s our job to make the most of this life.

Until I see you again, xoxo

Authenticity, Relationship, Spirituality

The World. Tipping Points. Simplicity And Some Other Things I Believe.

I believe the world will feed us a hundred ways in which to frame ourselves as inadequate.
And incomplete.
Only to turn around and sell us on a person, place, or thing to make us whole again.
And fill that void.
I believe our job is to weed through the muck and the lies to find our own truth.
Our own place in this world.
Our own voice.
And to find a space to dwell where we are complete within and of ourselves.
Where we see that those external things are merely extras in the big picture.

I believe the world is waking up.
That the deep chasm we see in the collective conscious will bring us to a tipping point.
A tipping point marking a shift in perspective. A tipping point sparking change.
A tipping point inciting destruction.
A tipping point initiating rebirth.

I believe that
sometimes
we self-sabotage by inviting complexity where we crave simplicity.
I believe this simplicity lives in our breath.
In our conscious movement.
In slowing the fuck down.
In love.

I believe we hang tight to our chests, some of the very things that would be best let go of.
Because sometimes we know no other way.
Because, sometimes – when we try something new – we can surprise ourselves.
And find the wholeness we were searching for all along.

I believe that forgiveness is healing.
And that forgiveness takes many forms.
But when we’re ready.
And the weight lifts.
And we breathe easier.
We’re reminded of our true essence.
And that
is unshakeable.

I believe that opportunities to heal come in the most obscure forms.
Through conversations that shift our perspective.
Through relationships that create safe spaces.
And that healing occurs when we shut off our brains and open our hearts.

xo

Post image from Instagram. Source unknown.