All Posts By

Corinne K.

Authenticity, Learning, Wellness

The Ever-So-Fine Art of Not Giving A F**k

I’m not sure if it’s the breadth of experiences I’ve had in the last couple of years or the fact that I’m getting older (I surmise that it’s a combination of the two) but as time goes by, I’m really starting to understand the concept of not giving a f**k. I mean, I’ve always agreed that you can’t please everyone all the time on an intellectual level but now, I feel it deep in my bones. The very cells of my body delight when I recognize that I’m actually implementing this attitude in my daily life.

I am hands down a people pleaser. I’ve always been one to be sure that the people I interact with are taken care of in a situation. While this empathy has served me well in life and work, it’s also contributed to a lot of my unhappiness. I’ve said yes in cases where every inch of my being was screaming no, only to look back and think, “I knew that was a bad idea”. I’ve taken on more work than I was able to handle and found myself waking up at 2am tossing in a cold sweat worrying about my insurmountable to-do list and unattainable deadlines. I’ve replayed past conversations in my head, rehearsing what I would say the next time the same situation arose, wasting precious energy and time on things that I can’t change.

So what’s a people pleaser to do?

I’m not saying that I now run around being a jerk to everyone, tossing expletives in refusal whenever I’m asked to do something I’m not really interested in. However, I do think there’s something ridiculously gratifying and freeing in caring less about what other people think and more about what I need personally.

So instead of always putting others ahead of myself and caring more about people’s opinions than my own needs, I check in. A lot.

I check in with myself when I’m feeling anxious to see what’s really going on. Am I having a private conversation with myself about a situation at hand? Am I worrying about stuff that hasn’t even happened yet? Am I having second thoughts about a decision I’ve made because perhaps I clung to a choice in haste, without reviewing all the angles? Am I creating mountains out of molehills or is there something I can do to alleviate my anxiety in that space and time?

I check in with myself when I feel tension in my body. Is there something around me that’s making me feel uncomfortable? Is there something I can change in that moment to feel better and reduce the tension? Can I make a mental note of what I can do differently another time to reduce my discomfort? Our bodies are amazing gauges for the things that we might not be dealing with head-on. Those things manifest in sickness, muscle tension, aches and pains.

I check in with myself when my mind is going 100 miles an hour and I can’t seem to focus. Is there something I’m missing? Am I getting lost in details and not looking at the big picture? Am I losing sight of the good things happening and instead, focusing on the negatives?

And finally, I check in with myself when I’m feeling good. I check in when I’m feeling uplifted, inspired, enlightened and amused. And those times?

I make a mental note of the things that make me feel good – the people, places, things and situations that I know I need more of in my life. I check in and give the universe a nod and say aloud or to myself, “I’ll take more of that please!”

Because not giving a f**k is about letting go of the things that aren’t working for us, worrying less about what other people think and having honest (and sometimes awkward) conversations where we express our true feelings and intentions.

But not giving a f**k is also about embracing the things that we love and going out to do more of that stuff. It’s also about recognizing that those awesome things might not work for other people but that doesn’t make them any less important or vital to our own happiness.

Not giving a f**k is about knowing that we all have our own path to trod, on our own time, in our own space.

Not giving a f**k is about knowing that only we know what’s right for us and that we owe it to ourselves to do more of that stuff.

And the people, places and things that fall off on the way to becoming more of who we are? They weren’t meant to be. The people, places and things that support us through it all? They’re gold. Magic. Love. Worth investing energy and time into. Worth giving a f**k about.

xo

Authenticity, Spirituality, Wellness

January Blahs, Ketchup Chips and Real Conversations

Midnight on New Year’s Eve came in with a bang. Donned with fresh red matte lipstick, I shared champagne toasts, bear hugs and well wishes with friends. But to be quite honest with you, the last couple of weeks have been kinda just ‘meh’. The bang of the excitement of a new year was followed by a whimper and then a drawn-out sigh.

I was sapped of energy and all I really wanted to do was sit on the couch, watch crappy reality TV and munch on Lay’s ketchup chips. And so. That’s what I did. But, I also kindly reminded myself of something. As incredibly satisfying as that cozy couch-lounging, TV-watching, chip-mowing behaviour felt in the moment, I knew it wasn’t going to help much in the long run. So as the blasé of the days passed, I tried to get back on track with my own make-myself-feel-good checklist.

Slowly, I gently began to return to my daily seated position as I took some quiet time for myself and closed my eyes to hush the continuous critic that was telling me that I had to get myself back into gear. See that’s the thing – I got lost in the dialogue that somehow I had to drag myself out of my funk. Here. Now. And I was hard on myself about it. Until I took those breaths and reminded myself that:

A funk, is a funk, is a funk. And a funk too shall pass. [Tweet that.]

And I let it move through me – in every way possible. I let the discourse drift into and out of my head. I gave myself the permission to have those thoughts but I vowed to be conscious about not feeding them, growing them, allowing them to expand and take over my energy. I have a dishwasher but instead of stacking it daily, I washed my dishes. And when I washed them, I washed them. I began to giggle at the voice that was incessantly yelling to ‘snap out of it already!’ – the one that was attempting to pull my attention away from that stuck, cooked-on piece of food that needed to be scraped and washed down the drain. Instead, I chose to just be, feeling the warm water on my skin. I chose to be aware of the dishwashing liquid bubbles glistening on the surface of the greasy mess I was cleaning up.

I reorganized the drawers in my home – the ones that I had to forcefully shove shut because they were far too full with stuff that I barely (never) use. I got rid of the things that I knew I’d never need. I turned on some music and cleaned the nooks and crannies of my living spaces, dancing and belting lyrics on the top of my lungs while I re-arranged some items and furniture – a physical symbol of the fact that sometimes you just need a fresh look at things.

Sometimes you need to clean out the energy in a space, create a new layout and let something else come to rest.

And then I took note of the things that lifted me most. And I consciously chose to keep doing those things. And y’know what topped the list? Raw conversations – the things you share that make you blush to admit because you’re holding yourself to some unrealistic standard. Because somehow you’ve convinced yourself that you’re the only one who’s experienced shame about something in your life.

Like the one I had with a group of amazing women where we shared thoughts about how much pressure we put on ourselves to have positively everything figured out in our lives. Like when I admitted aloud that I married a man in my mid-twenties despite my gut crying out that we just weren’t a good match shortly after we met. And how I found myself newly-divorced and single again at the age of 29, bawling my eyes out on my bedroom floor with a bottle of vino and my two cats. Or those separate conversations I had with heart-centred entrepreneurs – each of us insisting for the last couple of years that we had to follow our hearts and stubbornly pave our own way in the work world – only to admit to each other that (gasp) it’s time to get a job to help support ourselves.

In all these situations, I judged myself. “I can’t say that”, I thought. “What if I lose credibility? What if I get laughed at or blank stares? What if no one gets me? What if I’m the only one?”

And it hit me when a good friend looked me dead in the eye with sincerity and empathy and said, “I can’t believe you were afraid to tell me that.” I smiled meekly and whispered, “I wasn’t afraid to tell you. I was afraid to admit it to myself.”


Tell me something new.
Tell me something real.
Something I haven’t heard before and a million times over.
I don’t want to make small talk about the weather.
Don’t say, “I’m fine, thanks” robotically when I ask how you are when clearly you’re not.
I want to know about what’s tearing you down.
What’s weighing on your mind.
Then I want us to remind each other of what has broken us down in the past and how we picked ourselves up again.
I want to have real conversations about our successes and our failures.
Your experience – while it may be similar to mine – is unique.
Beautiful.
Inspiring.
We learn from each other when we strip off all pretences. When we rid ourselves of the need to fit in. Label ourselves. Categorize our desires and goals.
We realize that we’re really not that different after all.
Let’s challenge each other to move forward.
Shift. Grow.
It might be uncomfortable but it’s so damn worth it.

Authenticity, Spirituality, Wellness

What If: A Love Letter To The New Year

What if, this year, we decided to stop trying to become something?

What if, this year, rather than trying to become ‘something more’ or ‘someone better’, rather than trying to:

  • Get to the gym more often
  • Eat better
  • Land that new gig/promotion/client
  • Make more money
  • Take that course
  • Find that special someone…

What if, this year, we simply decided to be.

What if we reverse-engineered our goals? What if we looked at all of our resolutions, intentions and visions and instead understood how all of those things are going to make us feel. What if we then just went ahead and felt that way now, not when:

  • We exercise more
  • Eat healthier
  • Advance in our career or business
  • Get a raise
  • Learn something new
  • Fall in love…

What if we decided that – happiness, fulfillment, success, freedom, love, strength, wisdom, energy, whatever we’re searching for – none of these things need to be put off for the ‘right time’, with the ‘right person’ or in the ‘right situation’?

What if we decided that we don’t need to wait for opportunity to knock on our door?

What if we decided to give ourselves the permission to be who we are?

What if we decided to do what it takes to feel what we’re craving today. Here. Now. In this moment.

What if we decided that it isn’t about being our perfect selves before we decide to take an active role in our lives or careers?

What if we decided that the beauty of fresh beginnings and new years is not about becoming something but rather about experiencing life. Simply that and nothing more?

What would change?

What would you do differently?

What if you decided to just be.

Learning, Lifestyle, Wellness

Chucking The Rules For Meditation PLUS A 3-Minute Guided Meditation

I joined Talia Chai of Talia Chai Wellness yet again for tips on Clean Living. If you missed us last time, we talked about self-care and encouraged you to embark on a week-long self-care challenge with us. (My care included a lot of walking, reading and just taking the time to smell the roses).

This time, we talked about mindfulness and meditation. We included a 3-minute guided meditation that you can use whenever you like throughout your day to get you settled, grounded and release any tension you might be feeling. Hitting the proverbial wall in your day? Stressing out about lining up your ducks in row before the holiday officially kicks in? Join us for some r+r (video link below).

I’ll be taking time this upcoming week to disconnect so I won’t be hitting your inbox until the New Year.

Wishing you all an incredibly amazing holiday – whatever that means to you! Rest. Relax. Connect with family and friends. Disconnect from the world. Shut off your TV and go for a walk. Watch some crappy daytime tv. Party like it’s 1999. Take the time to count your blessings. Sleep in damnit. You deserve it.